It used to be so easy to talk on the phone, send an e-mail, make dinner, and study for an exam–SIMULTANEOUSLY. That was pre-baby. Now, if someone talks to me while I’m changing a diaper, I forget what I’m doing or what I was just talking about. Either I lost some much needed brain cells, or keeping up with Calvin is multi-tasking alone.
To child-rearing, add moving (for the 5th time in less than 1 year). I’ve just lost track of what to do. I don’t think we’ve forwarded our mail yet. Somehow that got dropped along with breastfeeding Calvin and putting him down for his naps while still managing to move our personal belongings from one apartment to another, clean, unpack. I forget what else. Oh yes, well, there’s making dinner. Hard to do when the pantry’s bare and the fridge has a jar of pickles. But somehow, we got it done–although Steve and I have been eating LATE for the past few days. At least Calvin’s on a schedule, because I’m not.
We still have to haul down the rest of our household goods from PA. I want to make things functional yet not feel crammed like sardines. So, Steve and I have been trying to figure out what piece of furniture we’re gonna put where. And, there’s not a whole lotta storage space for a lot of things. I will soon be holding a yard sale, and then I’ll give the rest away. Because, there’s way more to life than clutter. And, I HATE clutter.
So, back to what I was originally saying–see what I mean about forgetting what I was doing?–okay, so I’m also trying to start up a practice…as in become a small business entrepreneur. That’s tough enough in a town where I’m still an outsider trying to fit in, along with being a full-time mommy. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I have things under control. Maybe this is God’s way of teaching me that I NEVER had things under control–only He does–but it’s just more magnified now. Anyway, I don’t know how it’s all going to work. Start a practice when I need to nail down a location–that keeps fleeting from me like chasing an always out of grasp butterfly. And then, once I do have a location and a bank loan, well then…I have to recruit patients!
It’s tough to have saavy in every area. Treat patients? Yes, I know how to do that. I can provide great chiropractic care, and I know how to help people who have scoliosis. But, I just want the CHANCE to be able to do so…and first I need a location.
Then, the big question mark hangs over my head. How on EARTH am I going to start a practice while still being a mom? Steve eventually plans to join me, but he’s committed to his job through the winter. Plus, it’s important for him to make money until I can break even and afford to pay myself from practice earnings. So, I expect it’s going to be awhile. But, how will Calvin deal with not having my attention at every moment of the day that he’s NOT sleeping? I have no idea. How do mom’s go back to work 6 weeks post-partum? I have no idea. There’s always give and take. Sacrifice. Balance.
I believe I’m a good doctor. I want to teach people how to care for their bodies, reduce stress, and eat healthy. I am so eager to put into action the very thing I was trained to do. Ahhh, but then, there’s the other desire. I’m Calvin’s mom. His primary caregiver: tummy tickler, sustenance provider, diaper changer, storytime reader, stroller-pusher. Am I willing to share Calvin-time with someone else–definitely, as long as that person has Calvin on the same premesis as me.
I don’t know how working moms do it. I can’t figure out in my brain how it will all work out logistically or emotionally, but it will work out.
On days when things are tough and I can’t possibly pull things off by myself, I often wonder, “how did my mom do this . . . with TWO of us? How did she raise us by herself?” And then I am just awestruck at the sacrifice and amazing feats that she somehow pulled off so that I could one day marry my wonderful husband and have a beautiful son–because everyday, I’m thankful for my mom.
Yes, all those things go through my mind when pondering the question: where will my practice be located? Is it just me who can leap from that question to single working moms?